The "Promised" Land
Hot blood dribbles down a schoolbag,
As the tiny, dying body is rushed
To the nearest hospital.
Alas, there are none.
A mother wails as she watches
Her children's corpses set ablaze,
And slowly melt into each other.
Silently, she too puts herself to sleep.
A half burnt doll is left abandoned.
Carcasses lay piled up
Like garbage, ready for disposal.
This is how things are done here,
With a blind eye,
In the "promised" land.
These little caged birds had dreams.
If infants of this great nation
See no justice,
What is left for the generations to come?
Will there be generations to come?
Oh Holy Land,
There will come a time
Where your sun will shine.
Apologies for the "vivid" images but in the end, one has to convey the whole truth, avoiding euphemisms!
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5 comments:
Well that was kind of disturbing...which is probably a good thing since that's most likely what you were trying to accomplish when you wrote this. So in that instance, congrats! You truly paint a horrible image of what takes place in "the promised land", I liked (well liked probably isn't the right word) the first verse and how you make the reader understand that a child is bleeding, likely dying when you state that the blood dribbles down a "schoolbag" and The vivid image of the children's corpses set ablaze that "slowly melt into each other"...You really put what you thought strongly in this poem and from an objective point of view, you really put your point across and showed how horrible the things that take place in Israel truly are. Particularily, when you say In the "promised" land, as if it wasn't really promised, but you recognize it as holy a few lines later, a contradiction or not, you clearly put your beliefs in your writing. Personnally, I liked the poem for the first half, but when you stated the "promised land" and "There will come a time where your son will shine", as I understood it, Lebanon, I thought it unnecessary and had I wrote it, I would have left the fact that I was talking about it implied and not stated. But, I'm not the author and I thought that the poem was strong and vivid, describing the horrendous events that take place in the "promised" land. Excellent job!
Nour you did an amazing job in creating a powerful image of what is going on in Palestine today. You used vivid images such as “Carcasses lay piled up/
Like garbage, ready for disposal” that trigger emotions in the readers, making them sympathize with the victims; and the fact that the stories are actually true, makes the poem more effective. I also liked how u integrated things like the school bag and the doll, which are common and worldwide to children, with blood and gore. I think that this element makes the reader, no matter what his/her perspective is towards the Israel/Palestine conflict, view the victims in your poem as people rather than Palestinians. I liked the last 2 lines too; after asking the questions: “What is left for the generations to come? Will there be generations to come” which portray the futile situation facing the children, u gave hope: "There will come a time
Where your sun will shine"
In response to CJ (hadrien):
ya sorry that was a typo: i mean "sun" not "son" so i wasn't refering to lebanon. Good interpretation though!:)
Very gruesome Nour, and very powerful. You effectively leave the reader feeling almost nauseated and disturbed by using powerful images, such as "children's corpses.. melt into each other" and "carcasses... like garbage". I love how you refer to Palestine as the Holy Land, evoking a sense of irony and even more anger and disgust towards the events; these atrocities should no be happening anywhere, let alone a land that is sacred to many religions. You display your bitterness towards Israel when you refer to it as the "promised" land, in your title. I liked the use of the two questions near the end of your poem, representing the instability of Palestine at this point in time, and frankly, the more-likely-than-not perpetuity and perhaps even increased severity of the crimes. There was only one factor I found a little confusing, The image of the sun at the end shows your hopes for Palestine, and you seem very firm in your belief that it will see better days in the end, which is contradictory to the previous two questions, where you doubted whether the land would even exist.
I should add that I also felt personally attached to your poem Nour, also being of Palestinian origin, and hence it had a greater emotional effect on me. Bravo for choosing such a powerful and controversial matter to write about.I too hope for better days for Palestine.
When I started reading your poem, I felt like I should look away. I could see the image clearly in my head. Each new line portrays a more vivid and disturbing image than the previous. It reflects the harsh reality of the situation and forces people to face what takes place in the “promised land”. The schoolbag mentioned in the first line allows the reader to connect his/her world with that of the people in the poem. The image of the mother watching as her children’s corpses melt into each other is particularly disturbing. It is upsetting enough for a child to die before a mother but to see her children’s dead bodies melting is too horrific for anyone to even imagine. The images are blunt and blatantly convey the message. I agree with what Hadrien said about the ending. I think it takes away from the intensity and effectiveness of the poem.
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